That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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