Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
