God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
