I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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