If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
