Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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