Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
