im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
