Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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