He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
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Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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