its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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