Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
