So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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