I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
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I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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