on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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