how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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