im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
