I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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