Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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