if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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