Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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