if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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