People in love make me want to vomit
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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