he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
