that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
