According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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