I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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