Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
