a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
