i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
