So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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