She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
