I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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