if i can run in heels then i can drive
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
