I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
false alarm, still single
Randomize
