I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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