either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
