My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
