marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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