funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
