I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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