We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
