Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
