break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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