He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
