He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
