Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
