why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
