This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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