he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Damn victory sex feels great
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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