i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
