so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize