The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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