I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize