Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
