You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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