i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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