I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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