Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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