I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
