my mouth tastes like poor choices
i would punch a child for taco bell
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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