i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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