I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
