So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then my night got REAL pukey
i think i just lost a toe
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
