she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
