And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
love makes seman taste better
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
