She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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