Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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