Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
