i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
